Embarrassing Google Searches

I must take a moment to post about something completely different from Ulcerative Colitis or paleo recipes. It’s funny. Keep reading.

Since the birth of Mangia Paleo in January 2014, I receive statistics that help me understand my audience.
One of the analytic reports is grouped by internet search results. So, I can see the phrase someone types when a they search a phrase in their browser and click a mangiapaleo.com link from the results.

For example, if someone types “paleo swordfish recipes” into their browser Google may refer them to my Swordfish with Mango Avocado recipe. If they click that recipe from the search results I can see that someone searched “paleo swordfish recipes” to get to my blog.

Now that you understand what I’m talking about… here are some search terms that brought people to mangiapaleo.com.

ARE YOU READY?

I have not altered the phrases in any way.

1. less farts paleo
2. can i wear pajamas to a colonoscopy
3. paleo bloated poop like goats
4. does potty make your hips fat
5. laura scavoila paleo
6. a girl shiting on the sid wack
7. paleo girl squatting to poop
8. word sound plantain
9. disgusting grains
10. what cause goody red stuff to come out your butt
11. ate unfiltered honey made me poop
12. what garnishes that mustn’t be reused for drink service
13. bragg apple cider almost made me shit my pantd
14. chunk of a radish in bowel movement
15. sexy pooping

Now I will attempt to address these search terms. You know… because… they were searching for more information.

1. Yes. You will have less farts eating paleo. And they smell nicer too.
2. Your pants are coming off anyways, honey. So get comfy.
3. Exactly. Poop. Bloating. And goats. That’s what mangiapaleo.com is all about.
4. No. My potty does not make my hips fat.
5. Spelled my name wrong, but that’s cool someone searched my full name!
6. Nope, wasn’t me.
7. Yep, that’s me.
8. The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
9. Yes, all of them are bad.
10. Will you people get off the internet and call a doctor, please?
11. Well then stop eating unfiltered honey.
12. You should never reuse garnishes. EW?
13. Noted. Thank you. I won’t be buying that apple cider.
14. I hope he didn’t image search that one.
15. Sexy and I know it!

Don’t worry, I can’t track who you are or where you come from. 😉 So cheers to the weird searching!

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• Little Pig ‘Pasta’ →